Today I did not have much energy. I didn't really want to do or be with anyone and I wasn't sure why. I tried to sleep after guests had left and the rest of the family was doing their own thing, but I could not shake or pray this feeling away.
So sometimes when I feel like this, I listen to music. Actually, everyday I listen to a lot of music, no matter what mood I am in. l love music. But this was intentional, as a specific song came to mind- "The Water is Wide". I listened to probably 10 different versions and artists doing this song, but I am downloading this one in honor of some precious relationships I have lost. Who I love, and who I think once loved me. It is done by two Norwegian artists. It may not be the best version, but it is for them and the whole other side I have lost.
As I played the many versions, I cried and cried. My son, who is sweet and kind, said, "Mom, you have your sound bar...". Of course he hooked it up for me when I asked, as I was bawling and unable to move. Music sounds so much better this way instead of through my computer. My intuitive son understood my crying wasn't something he had caused or needed to fix. It was the only cry I think he has seen me cry this deep and hard in a very long time. For me, it had been almost a year ago, since I drove out in the country to cry this hard. I didn't know today, I needed to cry. I didn't know this was what was pulling me down and bottled up inside. But I guess it was. And music is another way I can express myself without using my words- like my art. I paint my feelings instead of putting them to words, sometimes.
I cried for a deep loss. My greatest loss and sadness so far in this life. I am grateful today for music - it's deep healing power to move and touch me. I am grateful on this Sabbath, as I sit in our old, comfortable, familiar recliner, for this healing art.
If you need to cry about something in your life too, I hope you can. You can close your eyes and sing along. It is a tender way to grieve. I am sure you already know this...
Artist & Storyteller
"The grass fadeth and the flower, but the word of our God shall stand forever." -Isaiah 40:8