A few days ago I received a message from someone I have known for many years, saying they were worried about me. At first I felt defensive, feeling I didn't need to be worried about, and then I became concerned my life and behaviors may be creating worry and concern. They were worried I would be disappointed in things that would never come to be.
I realized I was not sharing and expressing the good things happening in my life and self. I wasn't giving off the feeling I was okay, when I really am! Miracles have happened. God is good. I am growing, healing and trying new things.
I do not want to do anything for others to feel worried or concerned about. I am more hopeful, blessed and better than I have been in many years, even though sad things and losses have happened along the way. This is a better time for me.
So today, as I look at some of my paintings and photos, I reflect the wandering, walking, hiking, crawling, ascending and descending I have done. I haven't been alone on these treks in my life over the past while. I have been upheld in prayer by precious prayer warriors across the country, embraced and loved by family, supported and helped from hard work of friends who believe in my art and life. I have been advised by godly mentors, encouraged by kindness and loyalty of my patients. Cared about by good neighbors and even strangers, who are now dear friends. My sons and I have had great hikes, and laughs and crazy adventures I would never trade. And most of all, a patient loving God, with such broad shoulders to carry the whole world and me upon them. And all our burdens too.
So please do not worry about me. I don't have much hope for things of the past, but I am filled with hope for tomorrow, new things and people. God has been good to me.
One of my favorite things to do as a kid was climb trees. I climbed every tree I could get into. I wanted to read in a tree, sleep in a tree, to live in a tree. I tried showing my mom I could, until I fell out an did a belly flop, painfully knocking the air out of me. And my pride.
Laying on a tree branch, trying to fall asleep was harder than it seemed. I think this is how my love for trees began....No matter where I went I was looking for a tree to climb.
I love them best when they drop their leaves in the fall. I love to see their branches and trunks twisting as they grow.
They are one of my favorite things to draw and paint. I know if they could talk, they would tell me all sorts of wonderful and wild stories. I know the stories would be true. I'd trust a tree!
I like to move these little rocks around my son brought home to me from one of his hiking trips this summer, on this beautiful cloth my dear friend Conna gave to me this summer too. They are in the center of my dining room table, and I move and rearrange the rocks every day or so. I make sure the cloth is not dirty or wrinkled. And the rocks are arranged just so. I like it all a certain way. I rearrange often.
I chose to make each rock represent someone in my little family. All these people helped me grow. All these people have touched and affected me in beautiful ways and I am grateful.
Art has this rich wonderful way of saying things words just can't describe. There really aren't words sometimes to adequately express what my heart and mind are feeling and thinking.
I move these precious rocks around this cheerful cloth and smile. I don't know what to say. Inside, I think and pray. Looking at them in the center of my table, my soul knows what words could never say. Good and happy things.
I meant to write this about 2 months ago when my boys were still living at home and my -not -yet then daughter in law, were there watching videos as I walked in from work. They all started laughing and said, "Mom, this song is dedicated to you! It's like how you are!" Of course I was curious to know what the song was all about. It sounded good from the door...
As I watched the video with my little family, we laughed and I commented how the bedroom in the video reminded me of my boys' room they shared when they were little. So creative and interesting. So many toys and funny collections and fun. I felt tender, sentimental feelings sitting there that evening, watching videos and laughing and joking around. Precious dear moments to me. These were the finest people I knew. Even though we had some hard times, last year happen in our family, it didn't change our closeness or good fun. It had changed our home and family, but everything was never as it seemed anyways. I had been hoping and praying, but everything, I learned was never as it seemed.
They told me to listen to the words as we were laughing because I am dramatic, imaginative, and sometimes exaggerate to make them laugh and tell some pretty wild, crazy stories to get their attention, which of course they find hard to believe are true. Like the song... "ten million fireflies...'cause everything is never as it seems.." But what is true, we have had some great adventures, traditions and fun, my sons and I. We have so many memories together. And my son's new wife, who fits perfectly in our family, is truly a new wonderful part it now too.
After all the fun and laughing was over and now they have moved to their own new little places, even if one is right above my head, upstairs in a little studio apartment he's creating, and the other one and his new wife, live just a few miles away, I am reminded tonight, how true like the song says, "I'd like to make myself believe the Planet Earth turns slowly... I am weird' cause I hate goodbyes...I got misty eyed as they said farewells..." I want life to go more slowly. I don't want more misty eyes and say farewells...
My boys and new daughter in law are beautiful souls and artists. They are my fireflies. I am glad they are in my life and dreams. I thought they would stay little boys forever, like in the video, their imaginative,colorful room, with ten million fireflies, but it is okay..and so are misty eyes sometimes... we have new adventures and on Plant Earth and I will pretend it is not going fast but slowly...
Artist & Storyteller
"The grass fadeth and the flower, but the word of our God shall stand forever." -Isaiah 40:8