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Today I moved into my new office space. I was dreading hauling and moving. I called my big little sister asking for her expert help. She drove the distance and was there with hammer, pencils, supplies, and paint, in case we had time to create some art together afterwards. Sadly, we did not have time to paint, but we ate outside together with our Dad for a nice break. My dad is another cheerleader in my life too. My sister Te' is an amazing artist, designer and intuitive with space, color and flow of movement. I was blessed she was there. She's not just my sister, she's my friend. She laughs at almost everything I say and all the wacky faces I make, like I am some great comedian, which of course, I am not. It feels good though, to have such a loving fan. She gets my sensitive nature and impulsive ideas. She gets my half sentences of multi-topics. I was ready to break down a bit, but she kept me smiling and encouraging me to keep shining. I felt grateful and greatly loved. This song represent what I felt today. I love this old song. They use to play it a million times a day till I could hardly stand it, but today, it was a tender sentimental reminder from my sister Te', to keep smiling, keep shining.Thank you, my dear sister, Te',I could count on you! So much help and blessing to me! Maybe you have a cheerleader like this in your life too. Someone who raises their pom- poms wildly in honor of you! A supportive fan. Someone who is there in good and bad times. Someone who drives the distance physically or emotionally for you. May we be this for others too! A young man took his life and tonight the family has invited the community to come celebrate his life. He was a nature lover. He was sensitive. He was an artist. He was only 19 years old. I am leaving soon to attend this celebration of life and my heart is heavy. I don't feel like celebrating. I feel like crying and I will. I think of my own two sons and how I would feel if they were not on this Earth. I can't imagine. They mean everything to me. We are like flowers. Here today and gone, maybe not tomorrow, but we don't know how long we are really here. We are are fragile and sometimes walking on thin ice. A young artist's life is resting till His creator wakes him one glorious day, like a bright and blossoming flower. I originally called this painting "Silent Farewells to Spring". I renamed it this week, "Farewell to Theron." Farewell, dear young Theron. I look forward to meeting you and seeing your art in Heaven someday. Maybe you have tulips growing in your yard too. They are one of Spring's great miracles to me. When months of cold, dark, long winter days seem to have taken every last hope of life, these amazing flowers push through the dark earth and stand tall and glorious.
They give me hope for our life too. I painted this over 20 years ago. My sons were little tiny boys then. They were born a year apart. I was honored and awed to have these little people and be their mom. It was a good hard work! And a precious work I had no idea how to do so often! This painting reflects the feelings I had of contentment, reflection, overwhelm and exhaustion as a new wife, artist, and mother. Floundering, failing ,sometimes succeeding and grateful- all at the same time.
Tonight I notice, while looking at this painting again, the little person up against a big door. The tiny person is me. How I feel anyway, as I am not really tiny physically. I just feel tiny often now. Feeling I am up a against a big closed door. My sons are no longer tiny. They are grown. I don't have the same exhaustion of a new mom and wife. I have different reflections and exhaustion now. I feel overwhelmed over other things. I am thinking, and praying... I remember one of my favorite texts. It was illustrated through a painting on my very first Bible as a child. A painting of Jesus leaning and knocking on a big wooden door. I was so touched by our Heavenly Father gently knocking at the door of my heart. Touched He would take time to do that for me. A small nobody. A insignificant, bewildered, feeling child. I remember clinging to that little Bible because of the cover painting. Holding it tight against my chest. I had no idea what the inside was saying, as it was hard to read the old King James version. But I later came to understand the tender painting's sweet meaning. It was for everyone, within those delicate, gold- edged pages. I continued to find the whole Bible, kept repeating this beautiful earnest theme and patient invitation from a non-coercive God. Who doesn't barge in. Who doesn't come in without invitation. Who doesn't push His way. He is patient. He lets us turn the knob and open the door. But He knocks. He wants to come in and be with us. Perhaps you had a little Bible with this painting on it too. If not, I hope you can visualize it and feel it in your heart. And know it for yourself that Jesus is knocking. And I am sure many of you do. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20 I pray for strength, courage and desire to open the door and let Him come in every time He knocks. |
Brenda Trapani
Artist & Storyteller "The grass fadeth and the flower, but the word of our God shall stand forever." -Isaiah 40:8
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November 2017
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