This is one my very favorite parts of this very tender movie. Whenever I see this beautiful loving scene, I am moved, touched and inspired... Love, like music and art, can do such powerful wonderful things.
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"Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you." 1 Peter 1:7- One of Jehovah's dearest promises and a broken man's greatest song.
I walked by the sea, Thinking many times about you and me. Happy times, our laughter. And also many sorrows. This is my lot- like the mighty waves that roll. But He has taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul." I use to get tired of my parent's saying , "Where did the time go?". Time use to go by so slow when I was a kid. It couldn't go fast enough. I wanted to ride a bike on the streets, get my driver's license. Get out of Walla Walla and never come back... When I see my Dad, now 82 years, old and full of cancer, I am scared. I don't like time going so fast. I don't want him to die. As a kid, I thought he'd always be like the big strong guy in the cowboy hat below. Tears well up in my eyes as it isn't just my dad getting older and sicker, but my kids are getting old, and one is even engaged. I have my little tough mama bent over, limping too. My walking buddy Cisco, is over 11 years old. and tires out too soon. Now I understand. Where did the time go? My daddy sat me on the floor as he waved,
heading out the door. The long walk to the show, he carried me. Later bounced me on his knee. Now he's slow and I can't wait. I'm irritated because we are late. He waves at me, to go on ahead. I regret the things I've said. My once strong daddy, now so small and weak. I pray the Lord, his soul to keep. I'm Brenda Trapani. I've been doing some kind of art ever since I can remember. It was my voice for many years. It was how I expressed myself. Art was the words I could not speak. Art soothed and comforted me when life did not. I escaped through art to places where one could ride tame ponies, the sun shined so brightly, and an awkward girl like myself could be a princess. Houses were safe places where happy families lived. Where steep mountains and green valleys were not so far away and it was mostly always summer. Where prayers were quickly answered, just the way I dreamed, and God had good things for everyone I knew. Art kept pain out for a few dear moments. In my daydreams and make pretend, I could fly up in pure blue skies on clouds like soft white pillows. Crying and worry stilled. So far away from hurting. No one up there was sad and lonely. Not ever. Art had this sweet and special power. God gave me these tools of small discarded scraps of paper and a dull pencil or cast off pen. This was my precious manna. Feeding my hungry heart and empty spirit. Gently chipping away black darkness, which was so very tight around my childhood. I was born in Canada to parents who were both Germans with strong blood and tradition-from Russia. My Grandma Lydia made me feel loved and noticed. Growing up between two sisters, I was the typical middle child. I spent my often lonely childhood daydreaming and drawing, collecting rocks and sticks, riding bikes with my sister, relying on the strength of my older sister to hold my head up and believe we counted too. I liked getting into mischief with my friends. I loved horses and climbing trees and wished I had a home and a happy family. I believed deeply in miracles and the power of prayer. I love being a mom to my great two sons. I love walking our dog Cisco, hiking and cooking with my sons. I love eating together with my family. I love listening to music, drawing, painting, doing yard work and working with plants. I love talking, reading, writing, cooking, watching a good movie, having a good laugh, and goofing around. I am not a good singer, but I like singing out loud to music. I am moved by music. I love God, the Bible, a good sermon, and intercessory prayer. My favorite time is the new, still, early mornings to read, draw, write, and pray. I am a sinner saved by grace. I struggle as a Christian, but God asks that I surrender, give it all to Him, and die to self. I am loved by a God who gives me victory through Christ. I have nothing to bring, but simply to the cross I cling. I haven't been here in a very long time and I didn't even know how much I missed this place until I came here this last weekend with some of my family. The sun was almost setting as we arrived. I could hardly wait to see the waves, the sand and beautiful colors of the beach along the Oregon Coast. I felt excited we were able to see the ocean before the sun went away. It was wonderful. We spent the next few restful days, here. I was comforted to find it was the same beautiful, majestic ocean I had visited some years ago. It hadn't changed, even though I had. Tender memories in this place. Sacred precious times I relived and thought about many times as I walked along the shore. And Grief. But I felt good seeing the ocean the way I remembered. A strong and faithful friend. I felt instantly smaller and more fragile. The deep, dark water scares me. But I love it here. Something cleansing and clearing of those waves, washing back and forth upon the beach. I feel it in my chest. It pulls my heart out and in again. Like being rocked in a big,old, wooden swing. I let it soothe me as I walked along. My fragile heart felt grateful. I was reminded how powerless I am against something so big. Something I can't control or change. Powered by Jehovah who created this a long time ago. Before I was here or born. Without help of any human being. Water so very cold, enormous and relentless. I sensed my vulnerability and how very fragile we all really are. I needed this time by the sea. " God gathered together the waters and called them the seas, and saw that it was good." Genesis 1:10
Long summers days and pleasant evenings are some of my favorite things. I love how they often end with lovely sunsets. Grateful in this valley, the sunsets are great almost year round.
I enjoyed this particular summer evening, as I went out to watch my son at a peaceful golf course. It smelled good and the landscape was pretty everywhere I looked. It was quiet and not many words were needed. It was restful after a busy day. It was nice to sit quietly watching my son in this restful nature. I couldn't help but take pictures of the sunset that evening. My phone and computer are loaded with literally hundreds of sunsets I have taken every chance and whim I get. Moved by rich vibrant colors of the setting sun, I felt a bit emotional, thinking soon these days with my son would end. He might not always be playing golf at this golf course with me watching on the bench. Things could change. And would. I love my sons so much and special times with them like these. Never wanting them to end, like these warm colors of summer sunsets, after long summer days, fading so quietly and ever too quickly. Often I have prayed, "Why am I here, Lord? Why was I even born?" I have waited impatiently for a reply. Wondering and asking repeatedly. The answers came in unexpected ways. Showing up in unexpected places, especially through some very amazing, beautiful, precious and bright, little people in my life. Like my beloved little cousin here. And who knew the joy, laughter, parties, candy, movies, slow walks and good talks I would have with these dear ones? Trips to the Humane Society to hold lonely kittens, and make a million cupcakes to celebrate almost every holiday there is. Was I born to experience this? And meet these gems of priceless sparkling gold, like I have found with my own dear sons? And laugh so hard over utter nonsense and silliness, wacky music and snuggle so tightly because we are just to thrilled to eat popcorn and watch good movies together? I think so. I would never have wanted to miss these times, with these dear people. I feel gratitude again this morning, looking at her impish grin. My whole heart tugs in gratefulness as I scroll through tender photos of her and her sisters, my two sons, my nieces and nephews, my little neighbors and my heart weeps in joy. So grateful. So honored to be alive in this time in history when these sweet people roam around our family and this world and wrap their glorious personalities and love around our hearts. Unexpected gifts. Thank you, Lord, for letting them be born and letting them be here. And for me too. " When my soul fainted within me I remembered..." Jonah 1:7 |
Brenda Trapani
Artist & Storyteller "The grass fadeth and the flower, but the word of our God shall stand forever." -Isaiah 40:8
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November 2017
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